CH 14: Mastering the Media

Know how they cook lobsters?   Same way as the frog at the beginning of this chapter .... slowly.  The water is heated slowly and the frog doesn't even realize until it is too late that it's over. 

We, as a culture, have become the same way.  It's called becoming desensitized.  Sense has to do with our five senses .... so when we are "de" sensitized, it means we become unable to feel danger.  Our danger isn't boiling water, but the media.  Can you imagine your great-grandmother's shock if she'd see what's on TV or on the radio today?  Go back further than that ~ say 200 years ago.  How far has this world come in what's "socially acceptable" and no big deal.  Pages 124 - 128 in the book talk more about TV, magazine and music media today.

Don't think any of this could affect you .... read the 3 stories starting on page 129 again.  Bet these three young women didn't set out to sin.

SO WHAT CAN YOU DO ABOUT IT?

* think about the types of media you enjoy ... make a list of the magazines, books, movies, tv shows, favorite music, web sites, etc.

*ask yourself:
~ would I be embarrased if my Christian friends, pastor ...or Ms. Becky ... knew I was listening to or watching this?  Do I have to keep it a secret?

~ Does this glamorize things that go against what God says?

~ Do these things leave me feeling depressed or looking for unhealthy relationships?

* Pray about it!  Ask:
~ what would Jesus do?
~ what would Jesus spend His time watching?
~ what would Jesus listen to?
~ what would Jesus spend time reading?


Remember, if you fill your mind with mages of sexually compromising comments and situations, you will become desensitized to similar scenarios in your own life.  If you guard your mind from these messages, you'll also be guarding your heart and life as well.

Castings Crowns has a song called Slow Fade .... here's the lyrics to give some thought to!

"Slow Fade"

Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day

Oh be careful little eyes what see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see

SO ~ will YOU take the 30 day challenge?  Are you ready to re-sensitize yourself to the inappropriate things of this world?  Want to get some of that garbage out?

How about spending the next 30 days enjoying only media and entertainment that doesn't go against what God says. 

If you're up for this challenge, let me know so I can be praying for you! 

CH 13: A Healthy Starvation Diet

This chapter was exciting to me ~ know why? 
Because it shows that no matter where you've been or what you've been doing or what you've been looking at ~ there is HOPE.  The HOPE is JESUS!  Is it going to be easy? No.  But do you have to do it alone? No.  God is there to help you .... and so am I!  Find an accountability partner to help keep you on track.  We are supposed to be helping each other as fellow believers.

As Christians, we all have battling forces inside us .... God's Holy Spirit and our flesh.  There shouldn't be any doubt which is stronger.  However, it's a battle because it takes us letting God have control.  Which side are we feeding?  Are we feeding our flesh with wrong thoughts and inappropriate viewing habits?  Or are we feeding our relationship with God and allowing His Holy Spirit to have more and more of our lives? 

Ever heard the term GARBAGE IN GARBAGE OUT?  Remember when you are putting the garbage of this world into your mind, that is what is going to come out {rememeber the actor rehearsing??}.  This becomes a vicious cycle because you have to keep feeding the garbage in .... see our human nature wants more and more. 

So ~ this is where the "Starvation Diet" comes in.  It takes you making a choice to not watch those things any longer or not entertain those inappropriate thoughts further.  You have to make conscious changes to your life to move away from the GARBAGE of this world. The more you move away from these things, the more they lose their power over you.

CH 12: Winning the Mental Battle

"How would you feel if every guy you encountered had the ability to read your mind,

just by being in your presence?" 

As Christians, we can take this a step further by remembering that God knows all our thoughts! What's in your heart and mind that God already knows about .... even if no one else does?



"Test me, O Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind"

Psalm 26:2

It's important to remember that EVERYONE ~ regardless of our past ~ is in this battle.  We are ALL sinners, saved by God' grace.  Life brings temptation ~ it's part of being human. 

SO ~ does that mean we say OH WELL since everyone has these thoughts it's no big deal .... or

                      OH WELL what's the big deal if I think about that?

To answer that, the book gives us three questions to consider about our thought life:

* What effect do our thoughts have on our battle for integrity?

Thinking equals rehearsing .... I like the example the book gives about this as an actor rehearsing for a play.  When you entertain thoughts that are not appropriate, it is like rehearsing what you would do or say in a situation.

* How can we guard our mind against things that cause us to sin?

Remember in an earlier chapter where we talked about how a young man guarding his integrity will bounce his eyes .... he can't always help catching something in his line of vision that is inappropriate ~ but he has a choice to make ~~ will he continue to look or look again OR will he look away. 

We have that same choice to make with our minds.  Tempting thoughts can fly into our heads as fast as something can pop in front of our eyes that's inappropriate.  So ~ we have a choice to make with that thought.  Do we entertain that thought and let it continue OR do we bounce it out of our brain and fill that spot with something appropriate?  This takes practice .... the same as it does with our eyes. 

* What does the Bible say we should fill our mind with and IS THAT REALLY POSSIBLE??

Yes it is possible ~ Matthew 22:37 - 38 says "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your MIND."  This is the first and greatest commandment. 

Phillipians 4:8 says Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable ~ if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things. 

Our focus should be on God, He wants to help us!

CH 11: To Flirt Or Not To Flirt

Here is the definition I found online:

flirt: playful behavior intended to arouse sexual interest;  It can consist of conversation, body language, or brief physical contact.

Think about that Krispie Kreme again .... now if that is dangling out there in front of us, we will first look at it ~ and then [for those of us who like Krispie Kremes] we will react by reaching out to touch it. 

So ~ if we are going to carry that principle over to us, our bodies and guys, what does that look like?  First [being visual], they are going to look at what we have dangling out there for all to see .... and then they may react by reaching out and touching. 

NOW ~ if you're the one dangling things out there, that may not be the reaction you wanted.  Perhaps you just wanted them to look ~ or perhaps you even wanted them to wish they could touch .... but CERTAINLY NOT to actually touch you.  What you have to understand is that isn't how God created them.  The three young ladies on page 97 & 98 found this out the hard way.  

A lot of flirting starts with our tongue.  The Bible talks a lot about this very small part of our body.  It compares our tongue to a rudder on a ship {you know, the part that steers the WHOLE boat}.  Read James 3:3-6  ~ the tongue is able to corrupt the whole person.

Remember back in Chapter 3 we talked about building lives of sexual integrity and living a life of balance.  Integrity = what you are when no one else is looking.  The table legs of our lives were mental, physical, emotional and spiritual. [pg. 26]   Are your thoughts right?  Are you dressing modestly and acting like a young women of integrity ~ not flirting or leading a young man on?  Is your focus on God and what His Word says?

She who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious

will have the King for her friend.  Proverbs 22:11

Take some time and read the filter questions on page 101 - 102!  These could be very helpful for you to determine if what you are saying / doing could be inappropriately flirting. 

Don't miss God's promises to you at the top of page 103. God created you and loves you so much ~ He will meet all your needs!

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of

my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord,

my Rock and my Redeemer.

Psalm 19:14

CH 10: Dressing To Impress

"Whether you intend to or not, the way you dress ~ modestly covering the most visually stimulating parts of your body or immodestly revealing as much of your body as you can get away with ~ sends others a message."  pg. 89

LADIES .... what message are you sending?

Let's reflect back to Myth #1 in Chapter 4: How I dress is my business.  It shouldn't be a concern for God or guys. 

Luke 17:1-2 had some pretty strong words to say about that ....

Jesus said to His disciples: "Things that cause people to sin are bound to come,

 but woe to that person through whom they come.  It would be better for {her}

to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around {her} neck

than for {her} to cause {another} to sin."

Okay ~ so does the Bible have a list somewhere that says you SHOULD wear X X and X and you DEFINATELY SHOULDN'T wear Y Y and Y??  no.

Okay ~ so how do we know what's okay and what's not?? 

How about Matthew 22:39 .... "Love your neighbor as yourself."

Yeah ..... I can hear you all saying

Hmmmm .... Ms. Becky I'm not seeing anything in

 that verse that addresses the X or Y in my closet. 

Take a minute and read back over the scenario at the bottom of page 92 and top of 93.  Now we can all read that and clearly see that the girl dangling those Krispy Kremes out in front of her friend who is trying to lose weight is being completely selfish.

{this is not an attack on Krispy Kremes .... you can dangle one in front of me anytime!} 

Okay.   But now let's apply that principle or standard to the young men around us.  We know they are stimulated by what they see.   So ~ is it being loving or selfish to them when we dangle body parts and as much skin as possible out in front of them? 

As you get dressed each day, look at yourself honestly ~ ask God to give you wisdom.  Try to honestly evaluate if what you are wearing is going to cause someone to stumble.  {I want to insert a little side note here .... standing stick straight and looking in the mirror is one thing ~ but let's say you are going to Youth .... are you going to stand stick straight the whole time you are there??  Probably not.   You are going to be bending, running around, sitting on the floor, etc ~ so you have to honestly evaluate what you are wearing also based on what you are going to do.  Bend over in front of the mirror .... reach above your head ~ try to mimic what you are going to be doing and see if your movement causes things to hang out that shouldn't.}

The lists on pages 94, 95 and 96 are an excellent place to start evaluating those X's and Y's in your closet.  Still not sure?  Ask your Mom & Dad [remember Dad's were young men once too] ~ ask a Godly friend or older woman.  Above all PRAY!  Remember how much God cares about you?? He also cares about your wardrobe.  This isn't about going out and buying a new wardrobe ~ PRAY for creativity to mix and match what you have .... maybe you can layer two shirts ... or maybe you can put a few stitches in that slit.  You do your part to try and honor God with your dress and I have NO doubt that He will provide what you need.  A few years ago when God started showing me things about the way I was dressing, I started praying ~ He more than provided.

CH 9: Pursuing Power

A visit to the grocery store checkout isle is all that's needed to read some of the same headlines mentioned at the beginning of this chapter.  You can't miss them ~ these magazines claim to have all the answers for how to be your best and get the guy you want.  But do they really?  Their answers seem to be all about ME ME ME .... is that God's way?  I hope you can answer a resounding NO from what you've been reading in our Battle book.

As I read back over this chapter this morning, I couldn't help but reflect back to Youth last evening and what we have been talking about in Genesis 3.  This chapter is called Pursuing Power ~ isn't that exactly what Eve was pursuing in the garden talking to the serpeant??   God had been providing for ALL her needs through Adam .... but she saw a way to have more power ~ and have it on her own!

Reflect back with me a moment to Chapter 2 ~ specifically the chart on page 21.  Remember this chapter talked about how males & females were created differently {yes, more than just physically}.  We were created by God that way.  We've touched on this a bit on Wednesday nights as well ~ the serpeant VERY clearly understood the differences between Adam & Eve .... which is exactly why he got Eve's attention.  He knew how to draw her in emotionally.  He also knew she had some "power" over Adam.  According to this chart, guys are stimulated by what they see ... yeah I know we've covered that.  But let's tie that in to this chapter.  How does this give US as females power??  It gives us power to use our bodies to get what we want or need {or perhaps more accurately what we THINK we want or need}.

Unfortunately, this is another area that the world around us has twisted up pretty badly.   The media, including TV, books, movies, music / music videos, portrays "powerful" women ~ getting whatever they want, walking over men, able to do and handle any situation a man can, having sexual relationships with whoever whenever it suits them and tossing them aside.  How does that weigh in against God's truth?

Why do women feel the need to have power over a man?  Again .... go back to the Garden with Adam & Eve.  Eve wasn't content to have Adam to supply & meet her needs.  She wanted more.  The first and second paragraph on page 85 express this well.   So many of the girls / women I see trying to use this "power" to get a guys attention are really just trying to feel loved .....  trying to get this love from the world is an empty pursuit, as many of the stories in this chapter relay.  Our first love has to be God.  He is the only one who can completely satisfy our need for love.  When we are seeking Him first, the balance in our other relationships can be restored.

If you find yourself using this "power" in a wrong or inappropriate way, take some time to consider why.  Are you trying to feel loved or improve your self-worth?  God loves you so much He sent His Son to die for you.  That's some pretty powerful love .... more powerful than any man on this earth is capable of giving.

Another thing to consider is what type of man are you attracting with your "power" .... someone who loves God with his whole heart?   Consider the quote from Neil on page 87.  It's true ~ even of some of the young men within our own Youth Group!

CH 8: Breaking the Cycle of Abuse

I want to start off talking about this chapter by saying that I know this is going to be a difficult chapter for a few of you.  As I've read over this chapter several times and prayed about what to type, I've been praying for you.  My prayer is that God would help you see His truth and bring His healing touch to your heart and life.

Remember you are not alone in this battle!

The statistics on page 71 made me so sad.  Let it also serve as a reminder that there are many hurting young women out there.  Even if you've never been affected by abuse personally, take some time to read this chapter. You never know who God may bring across your path that may be hurting and need encouragement.

It's important to note that abuse comes in many forms ~ physical, verbal and sexual .... and that it can come from a variety of relationships ~ strangers, boyfriends, employers, coworkers, friends and family.  The stories that are related in this chapter are all slightly different, but I think it's important to note that each of these girls spiraled down in their self-esteem and behavior.

Seven Things You Need To Know About Abuse

(pg 74-76)

 

* Tell Someone .... and if the person you tell doesn't believe you, tell someone else.  This is a huge first step in starting the healing process.

* Don't tolerate someone's abuse ~ verbal, physical or sexual.  This goes back to the FACT (a.k.a. TRUTH OF GOD'S WORD) that God created you.

* Don't believe that you did something to deserve the abuse.  No one deserves to be abused.  

* It's not okay to be angry at everyone or try to punish others for what happened.

* Rape and promiscuity are different things.  Rape or sexual abuse are not something you willing did.  Promiscuity is when you choose to engage in sexual behavior.

* Set a goal to forgive your abuser. Trust me, I know this isn't easy.  When you are hanging on to anger, hurt & resentment toward someone, that turns to bitterness ~ which eats you up inside.  That bitterness isn't hurting the other person, it's hurting you and your ability to move on and allow God's healing hand to come.  Forgiveness isn't about the abuser apologizing ~ it's about you making a choice to forgive.  This is beyond our human ability and only through God ~ giving all that hurt and anger to Him.

*  While you may never forget what happened, God can show you how to move beyond it.  There may come a time in the future where you can share your story and give someone else who is hurting hope and encouragement. 

I love the way the chapter ends .... God has great things in store for you as you seek to discover the true purpose for which you were created ~ a divine purpose, indeed!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

 plans to give you a hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11



CH 7: Doing A Reality Check

This chapter brings up a very big topic for this day and age.  The internet wasn't around when I was a teen, so this wasn't something that I had to battle then ~ but it could be huge for you. 

A read through the chapter gives some very explicit examples of what can happen ..... you may say "that would never happen to me" ~ but I bet you could ask any of the girls mentioned and they'd have said the same thing.  You see when our hearts and emotions get involved, we get in over our heads fast ~ it becomes hard to think straight and recognize right and wrong. 

This is where accountability becomes important ~ is there stuff on your computer you wouldn't want your parents to see?  Do you have an email account or instant messenger name that no one else knows about?  Would you be embarrased if your family and friends saw pictures you posted online of yourself or were privy to conversations you were having?

The internet is a place where you can make a "new" real .... a place where you can make up a different name and be someone else ~ perhaps someone you think is more exciting or someone you think you should look like.   This is where you have to stop and realize that it's not real.  Chances are that person you are talking to could be making up a name and pretending to be someone else too.  So what would you have to base any kind of REAL relationship off of?  You're fake and he's fake.

Make sure you take some time to look over the chart on page 63!

We've just been talking about the fact that God made you who you are ~ you don't have to pretend anything.  Even if you do, remember He still knows the truth about you!  He knew you before you were born.

CH 6: Making Friends With The Mirror

This chapter ends with Psalm 139:13-16, but I'm going to put it first ....

For you created my inmost being;

You knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be. 

Do you believe this?  Do you truly believe that God created you just as you are?  Do you believe that He knew you before you were even in your mothers' womb? 

If you answered yes to these questions, it should reflect in your attitude when you look in the mirror.  Yes, we may all say well I wish this or I wish that about ourselves.  But as a believer, we should be content deep down that God created us just as we are.

Awhile back we talked about different myths and I think one we could add to their list is the myth that you have to look like Barbie to be important or have a man love you.  My answer to that myth is above ~ God created me, so I am important to Him .... and He has a plan for my life, so if I'm to be married, He'll make sure that man and I cross paths in His timing.

Okay ~ back to the mirror.  This chapter brings out an important point that it's not just about NOT liking ourselves, but the opposite is liking ourselves too much {called vanity}.  Consider this:

Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting,

but a woman who fears {respects and serves} the Lord is to be praised.

Proverbs 31:30

Page 57 makes some good points about taking care of ourselves.  It's not vain to eat healthy and exercise .... keep your hair brushed .... wash your face .... smell clean .... unless that becomes your complete focus ~ then you are doing it for yourself and not God.  Our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit ~ God created us and we are to take care of it by keeping it healthy. 

Take some time to consider the bottom of page 59 .... female Bible characters, historical figures or special ladies in your own life who impress you the most.  Why are they special?  What did they contribute to society or your life? Why do you admire them ~ because of how they look or the beauty of their actions / investment in other's lives?  {feel free to comment if you'd like to share!}

NOW ~ how about YOU?  What do you want to be remembered for ... your appearance or your passion for God .... to serve Him and others?   My challenge to you is to have a beauty that radiates from the inside!

CH 5: Fueling Your Own Sexual Fire

Before I jump into Chapter 5 and it's discussion of masturbation, let's reflect for a minute back to Chapter 3 that talked about Sexual Integrity.

I think it's important to get a good picture in your head of that table ~ the four legs representing your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well being when the table is rightly balanced.  Remember sexual integrity wasn't about doing whatever you could get away with ~ it was about loving God with all your heart, soul & mind.  That puts our focus not on ourselves and what we can do to please ourselves, but instead on what is pleasing and honoring to God.

We covered the fact (way back in Ch 1) that God created us as sexual beings.  Nothing wrong with that.  With that comes a sexual desire.  Nothing wrong with that.  God intended for that sexual desire to be between a husband and a wife.  The trouble comes when we choose to let that sexual desire go outside of marriage.  This chapter addresses this in regards to masturbation {definition on page 9}.   Unfortunately, since this is a God given desire, when it's released in the wrong way, it's still released ~ meaning it is hard to stop once started.  The real testimonies on page 44 relate this well. Page 48 relates how it can also carry into marriage in a very negative way by creating false expectations.  When we take this into our own hands, we are rejecting God's plan and His blessing.

So is all lost if you've taken a step down this slippery slope??

No ~ we serve an awesome mighty God who is waiting there to help you back up ~ give Him those sexual desires .... ask Him to help you focus on Him and not yourself ... ask Him to put those sexual desires back to sleep until they can be fully awakened within marriage.

CH 4: Myths That Intensify Our Struggle

A myth is something that you believe that's not really true or based on fact. 

This chapter talks about 7 myths that we may believe as women ~ if we can see them for what they really are {myths} and see that they are not really based on truth {God's Word}, we will be able to stand strong when temptation comes our way.

Myth 1: How I dress is my business.  It shouldn't be a concern for God or guys.

I've had this conversation with some of you personally so I know it to be a very real myth.  Remember what we read in the beginning of the book about guys and how God made them ~ they are stimulated by what they see.  So, if they see someone's cleavage, their mind naturally wants to think about the rest of what's under her shirt that isn't hanging out.    Now,  I know some of you are saying Ms. Becky, that's just disgusting.   Maybe to you, but it's a reality to every guy out there today.  Yes, even Christian young men.  Being a Christian young man doesn't mean you are wired any differently than a non-Christian young man.  Read what I said again ~~ their NATURAL mind.  You know, that sinful human nature that we ALL have.  They are in a battle for their sexual purity and integrity .... same as you but with different things tempting them.

So, who has the responsibility here??  The guy you say ~ he needs to clean up his thought life?  Agreed.  He does have responsibility to be keeping his thoughts pure before the Lord .... you know, that same sexual integrity we just talked in Chapter 3 about you having?   Reflect on what Luke 17: 1-2 says ....things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to that person through whom they come.  It would be better for [her] to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around [her] neck than for [her] to cause another to sin.  I'd say Jesus had some pretty strong words wouldn't you?  Do you want to be that one who is causing someone else to stumble and be tempted sexually?

Myth 2: All flirting is okay.
Remember what sexual integrity was?  Protecting yourself from physical, mental, emotional or spiritual longings for the opposite sex that can not be fulfilled according to God's plan.  Flirting can also be called teasing or acting seductively. Picture dangling a piece of meat just out of reach of a hungry bear  ~ are you going to get his reaction?  You betcha.  His mouth is going to start to water and he's going to try to grab that meat.  When you are flirting or teasing or acting seductively to a young man you are stirring up those longings for the opposite sex that can not be fulfilled according to God's plan. 

Myth 3: I need a boyfriend to feel like I am somebody.  Having a boyfriend will solve all my problems.
Ladies, this is the time where you should be finding out who God made you to be .... what are His hopes and dreams for you?  You were each created with a purpose .... His purpose.  Do you know what that is?  Do you care?  His purpose is what should give you purpose and make you feel like somebody.  Having a boyfriend (or husband) will not solve all your problems or make you feel like somebody the way you think it might.  You are still a sinful human and so is that other person.  God is who completes us and meets our needs.  The AWESOME part of this too is that if God has a special someone out there in this BIG world for you, He'll bring that person to you at just the right time ~ His time.  You don't need to go from boyfriend to boyfriend trying to figure out if THIS is the one God has for you.  Here's a word picture that may help:

Let's say you are standing in a long line of girls and each of you has a slice of bread .... different flavors because we are all different (yeah this may be corny, but just go with me for a minute okay??)  There's a long line of guys facing you and they each have a slice of bread too .... different flavors because they are all different.  So, the first girl lets the guy have a bite of her bread to see if he likes it and she takes a bite of his bread to see if she likes his.  Blah ~ nope don't like the flavor of that one.  So, move on to the second guy.  You take a bite of his bread and he takes a bite of yours.  YUCK!  Go ahead ~ move onto the third guy .... take a bite of his and he takes a bite of yours.    Any flavor in that one?    Now, one thing to note is that while you were taking a bite of the first guys bread, someone else was taking a bite of the second guys.  So, when you get to the second guy, there is already a bite out of his bread.  OH and when you get to the third guy, there are two bites out of his bread already.  {AND it's important to note that there are several bites out of your piece of bread too!) 

In case you haven't figured it out, the bread represents you .... your heart, mind, body ~ everything about you.  The moral of my little story is ..... do you want to marry someone who only has half a piece of bread to give you and you him??  Just some {food} for thought!   

Myth 4: Guys want basically the same thing from dating relationships that girls want.
If you are still thinking this, I strongly suggest you go back and read the first two chapters.  Read the story on page 35.  This comes back to the fact that God made male & female different .... that's not a bad thing .... but you need to understand it before you get into a relationship.

Myth 5: My love will save him.  I can change him.
Okay ~ here's the newsflash on this one.  ONLY GOD can save or change anyone.  I loved her statement "what you date is what you're going to marry"  Heading into a serious relationship with someone and having a list of things you'd like to change about them don't go hand in hand.  How many young ladies do you think have given themselves away to "Mr. Right" with a long list of promises that he'll change if she has sex with him or marries him?  Any relationship needs to be entered into with much prayer and your eyes wide open to the other persons real character.

Myth 6:  I feel so sexually tempted, I must already be guilty, so why bother resisting?
This talks about false guilt ~ or guilt for something that didn't really occur.  Being sexually tempted doesn't have to be the same thing as being guilty of doing something sexually.  The difference lies in what you do with that temptation.  When you have that tempting thought about someone, do you entertain that thought or do you get your mind thinking about something else.  When a young man's physique catches your eye, do you choose to keep looking or do you look at something more appropriate?   You have a choice when temptation comes ~ there is always a way out.

Myth 7: There's noone who would really understand my struggle.
My hope is that we can blow this myth away just by doing this study.  Between all of the girls and moms involved in this study, I feel  I can say with certainty that there is someone who would understand your struggle. 


My hope is that you've prayerfully considered each of these myths.  The tricky thing with a myth is that it's not jumping up and down shouting out that you're believing something that's not based on truth.  Ask God to show you one of these in particular that you believed.  I'd encourage you to share it because you just might make the difference in someone who believes Myth #7!

CH 3: Building Lives of Sexual Integrity

Hi ladies!

I apologize for not getting to post this past week ~ life has felt a little like a tornado lately.  I've continued to pray for each of you as you work through this study.

Chapter 3 was my favorite yet {okay, I'll probably say that several more times before we're done the book}  To me, this is where the rubber meets the road in our Christian lives.   My definition of integrity would be what you are (thoughts, actions, deeds) when noone else can see you.  The book says (pg 23) to be a person of integrity means you are undivided ... that all parts of your life line up with the other parts.  So, if you are a Christian, all parts of your life should line up with WHO??  GOD

She goes on to compare our sexuality as a tabletop.  Remember our sexuality is who we are ~ women.  That's what God created us to be.  We are made up of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual aspects.  ALL of these come into play when we talk about integrity.  If we are behaving okay physically (you know, not ACTUALLY touching anything we shouldn't be) BUT we are mentally dreaming about someone, our table is going to be a little off balance because we have a week leg.  There are some more examples on pg 25 - 26.

There is a powerful statement at the top of page 27 that if you can grasp now could save you a lot of heartache in the future ....
"Until you are married, sexual integrity means protecting yourself from any physical, mental, emotional or spiritual longings for the opposite sex that can not be fulfilled ACCORDING TO GOD'S PLAN."

What is God's plan you ask??  God's plan is that you be committed to Him and allow Him to meet your needs until you are in a marriage relationship.

The next part Legalism v Love (pg  27) makes an important distinction.  Legalism is abiding by a set of laws or rules .... love is so much more.  We have very specific instructions about love in Matthew 22:37-40 ~ Love God with ALL your heart, soul and mind and love your neighbor as yourself.  So, if we are loving God with ALL our heart, soul and mind and loving our neighbor as ourself,  it's not about the rules.  It's about our heart attitude of obedience to God and what He says in His book, the Bible. 

I challenge you to really take some time to think and pray about the questions of compromise and integrity at the bottom of page 29.  Ask God to show you where your integrity is on these issues.

What you believe does come out in your actions ..... and when noone else is looking, God is.

CH 2: Back To The Blueprints

Okay ~ there's some of you who read this chapter and thought that is just
WAY too much information.  Understood, but don't pass over it too quickly.

 

This chapter is foundational to understanding God's creation of male and
female.  HE created both.  HE has a plan and purpose for both.

The chart on page 21 says it well:

Guys: driven by their physical desires
Girls: driven by their emotional desires

 

Guys: crave physical intimacy
Girls: crave emotional intimacy

Guys: stimluated by what they see
 Girls: stimulated by what they hear and feel

 

Guys: give love to get sex
Girls: give sex to get love

Guys: body can disconnect from mind, heart and spirit
Girls: body, mind, heart and spirit intricately connected

 

It's the world that has completely botched it up and perverted it.  Reflect
back on Genesis 2:25 ~ they were both naked and not ashamed.  WHY?

Spend some time thinking about these male / female differences.   Do you
truly believe that God created both and that He has a plan for both?

Praying for you!
Ms. Becky

CH 1: Daring To Be Truthful

We're reading Chapter 1 this week ....

 

Hopefully you didn't skip over the introduction stuff ~ it gives some
insight into why the book was written.

Perhaps you were a little taken aback at the girls "private war"
stories on page 8 - 12.  I'll agree they may be a bit graphic, but
these were real young girls ~ hurting.  How would you have counseled
them if they were your friend?  Or perhaps you see yourself in one of
the stories.

 

Take some time to really read through the questions on pg 12-14 ... be
honest with yourself ~ pray and ask God to show you the truth.  It's
not easy to be honest with ourselves, but God already knows the
truth.  Change can begin when we start to be honest with ourselves!

One sentence that jumped out at me was on page 14 about halfway down:
"By learning to guard your mind, heart and body against sexual
compromise and understanding God's plan for your sexual and emotional
fulfillment, you can maneuver your way through your teenage years with
grace ... and without regrets."

 

Everyone has regrets about something ~ ask your mom and I'll bet she
could say at least one thing she wishes she would have done
differently when she was a teenager.  My prayer for each of you is
that you can learn what God says about these things now and not have
those same regrets.

I love the verse the chapter ends with .... Proverbs 2:7-11
"He holds victory in store for the upright, He is a shield to those
whose walk is blameless, for He guards the course of the just and
protects the way of His faithful ones.  Then you will understand what
is right and just and fair -- every good path.  For wisdom will enter
your heart and knowlege will be pleasant to your soul.  Discretion
will protect you, and understanding will guard you."

 

Victory ~ God holds the victory.  Girls, that should give us such
encouragement!

Looking forward to all that God is going to teach each of us,
Ms. Becky