CH 4: Myths That Intensify Our Struggle

A myth is something that you believe that's not really true or based on fact. 

This chapter talks about 7 myths that we may believe as women ~ if we can see them for what they really are {myths} and see that they are not really based on truth {God's Word}, we will be able to stand strong when temptation comes our way.

Myth 1: How I dress is my business.  It shouldn't be a concern for God or guys.

I've had this conversation with some of you personally so I know it to be a very real myth.  Remember what we read in the beginning of the book about guys and how God made them ~ they are stimulated by what they see.  So, if they see someone's cleavage, their mind naturally wants to think about the rest of what's under her shirt that isn't hanging out.    Now,  I know some of you are saying Ms. Becky, that's just disgusting.   Maybe to you, but it's a reality to every guy out there today.  Yes, even Christian young men.  Being a Christian young man doesn't mean you are wired any differently than a non-Christian young man.  Read what I said again ~~ their NATURAL mind.  You know, that sinful human nature that we ALL have.  They are in a battle for their sexual purity and integrity .... same as you but with different things tempting them.

So, who has the responsibility here??  The guy you say ~ he needs to clean up his thought life?  Agreed.  He does have responsibility to be keeping his thoughts pure before the Lord .... you know, that same sexual integrity we just talked in Chapter 3 about you having?   Reflect on what Luke 17: 1-2 says ....things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to that person through whom they come.  It would be better for [her] to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around [her] neck than for [her] to cause another to sin.  I'd say Jesus had some pretty strong words wouldn't you?  Do you want to be that one who is causing someone else to stumble and be tempted sexually?

Myth 2: All flirting is okay.
Remember what sexual integrity was?  Protecting yourself from physical, mental, emotional or spiritual longings for the opposite sex that can not be fulfilled according to God's plan.  Flirting can also be called teasing or acting seductively. Picture dangling a piece of meat just out of reach of a hungry bear  ~ are you going to get his reaction?  You betcha.  His mouth is going to start to water and he's going to try to grab that meat.  When you are flirting or teasing or acting seductively to a young man you are stirring up those longings for the opposite sex that can not be fulfilled according to God's plan. 

Myth 3: I need a boyfriend to feel like I am somebody.  Having a boyfriend will solve all my problems.
Ladies, this is the time where you should be finding out who God made you to be .... what are His hopes and dreams for you?  You were each created with a purpose .... His purpose.  Do you know what that is?  Do you care?  His purpose is what should give you purpose and make you feel like somebody.  Having a boyfriend (or husband) will not solve all your problems or make you feel like somebody the way you think it might.  You are still a sinful human and so is that other person.  God is who completes us and meets our needs.  The AWESOME part of this too is that if God has a special someone out there in this BIG world for you, He'll bring that person to you at just the right time ~ His time.  You don't need to go from boyfriend to boyfriend trying to figure out if THIS is the one God has for you.  Here's a word picture that may help:

Let's say you are standing in a long line of girls and each of you has a slice of bread .... different flavors because we are all different (yeah this may be corny, but just go with me for a minute okay??)  There's a long line of guys facing you and they each have a slice of bread too .... different flavors because they are all different.  So, the first girl lets the guy have a bite of her bread to see if he likes it and she takes a bite of his bread to see if she likes his.  Blah ~ nope don't like the flavor of that one.  So, move on to the second guy.  You take a bite of his bread and he takes a bite of yours.  YUCK!  Go ahead ~ move onto the third guy .... take a bite of his and he takes a bite of yours.    Any flavor in that one?    Now, one thing to note is that while you were taking a bite of the first guys bread, someone else was taking a bite of the second guys.  So, when you get to the second guy, there is already a bite out of his bread.  OH and when you get to the third guy, there are two bites out of his bread already.  {AND it's important to note that there are several bites out of your piece of bread too!) 

In case you haven't figured it out, the bread represents you .... your heart, mind, body ~ everything about you.  The moral of my little story is ..... do you want to marry someone who only has half a piece of bread to give you and you him??  Just some {food} for thought!   

Myth 4: Guys want basically the same thing from dating relationships that girls want.
If you are still thinking this, I strongly suggest you go back and read the first two chapters.  Read the story on page 35.  This comes back to the fact that God made male & female different .... that's not a bad thing .... but you need to understand it before you get into a relationship.

Myth 5: My love will save him.  I can change him.
Okay ~ here's the newsflash on this one.  ONLY GOD can save or change anyone.  I loved her statement "what you date is what you're going to marry"  Heading into a serious relationship with someone and having a list of things you'd like to change about them don't go hand in hand.  How many young ladies do you think have given themselves away to "Mr. Right" with a long list of promises that he'll change if she has sex with him or marries him?  Any relationship needs to be entered into with much prayer and your eyes wide open to the other persons real character.

Myth 6:  I feel so sexually tempted, I must already be guilty, so why bother resisting?
This talks about false guilt ~ or guilt for something that didn't really occur.  Being sexually tempted doesn't have to be the same thing as being guilty of doing something sexually.  The difference lies in what you do with that temptation.  When you have that tempting thought about someone, do you entertain that thought or do you get your mind thinking about something else.  When a young man's physique catches your eye, do you choose to keep looking or do you look at something more appropriate?   You have a choice when temptation comes ~ there is always a way out.

Myth 7: There's noone who would really understand my struggle.
My hope is that we can blow this myth away just by doing this study.  Between all of the girls and moms involved in this study, I feel  I can say with certainty that there is someone who would understand your struggle. 


My hope is that you've prayerfully considered each of these myths.  The tricky thing with a myth is that it's not jumping up and down shouting out that you're believing something that's not based on truth.  Ask God to show you one of these in particular that you believed.  I'd encourage you to share it because you just might make the difference in someone who believes Myth #7!

CH 3: Building Lives of Sexual Integrity

Hi ladies!

I apologize for not getting to post this past week ~ life has felt a little like a tornado lately.  I've continued to pray for each of you as you work through this study.

Chapter 3 was my favorite yet {okay, I'll probably say that several more times before we're done the book}  To me, this is where the rubber meets the road in our Christian lives.   My definition of integrity would be what you are (thoughts, actions, deeds) when noone else can see you.  The book says (pg 23) to be a person of integrity means you are undivided ... that all parts of your life line up with the other parts.  So, if you are a Christian, all parts of your life should line up with WHO??  GOD

She goes on to compare our sexuality as a tabletop.  Remember our sexuality is who we are ~ women.  That's what God created us to be.  We are made up of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual aspects.  ALL of these come into play when we talk about integrity.  If we are behaving okay physically (you know, not ACTUALLY touching anything we shouldn't be) BUT we are mentally dreaming about someone, our table is going to be a little off balance because we have a week leg.  There are some more examples on pg 25 - 26.

There is a powerful statement at the top of page 27 that if you can grasp now could save you a lot of heartache in the future ....
"Until you are married, sexual integrity means protecting yourself from any physical, mental, emotional or spiritual longings for the opposite sex that can not be fulfilled ACCORDING TO GOD'S PLAN."

What is God's plan you ask??  God's plan is that you be committed to Him and allow Him to meet your needs until you are in a marriage relationship.

The next part Legalism v Love (pg  27) makes an important distinction.  Legalism is abiding by a set of laws or rules .... love is so much more.  We have very specific instructions about love in Matthew 22:37-40 ~ Love God with ALL your heart, soul and mind and love your neighbor as yourself.  So, if we are loving God with ALL our heart, soul and mind and loving our neighbor as ourself,  it's not about the rules.  It's about our heart attitude of obedience to God and what He says in His book, the Bible. 

I challenge you to really take some time to think and pray about the questions of compromise and integrity at the bottom of page 29.  Ask God to show you where your integrity is on these issues.

What you believe does come out in your actions ..... and when noone else is looking, God is.

CH 2: Back To The Blueprints

Okay ~ there's some of you who read this chapter and thought that is just
WAY too much information.  Understood, but don't pass over it too quickly.

 

This chapter is foundational to understanding God's creation of male and
female.  HE created both.  HE has a plan and purpose for both.

The chart on page 21 says it well:

Guys: driven by their physical desires
Girls: driven by their emotional desires

 

Guys: crave physical intimacy
Girls: crave emotional intimacy

Guys: stimluated by what they see
 Girls: stimulated by what they hear and feel

 

Guys: give love to get sex
Girls: give sex to get love

Guys: body can disconnect from mind, heart and spirit
Girls: body, mind, heart and spirit intricately connected

 

It's the world that has completely botched it up and perverted it.  Reflect
back on Genesis 2:25 ~ they were both naked and not ashamed.  WHY?

Spend some time thinking about these male / female differences.   Do you
truly believe that God created both and that He has a plan for both?

Praying for you!
Ms. Becky

CH 1: Daring To Be Truthful

We're reading Chapter 1 this week ....

 

Hopefully you didn't skip over the introduction stuff ~ it gives some
insight into why the book was written.

Perhaps you were a little taken aback at the girls "private war"
stories on page 8 - 12.  I'll agree they may be a bit graphic, but
these were real young girls ~ hurting.  How would you have counseled
them if they were your friend?  Or perhaps you see yourself in one of
the stories.

 

Take some time to really read through the questions on pg 12-14 ... be
honest with yourself ~ pray and ask God to show you the truth.  It's
not easy to be honest with ourselves, but God already knows the
truth.  Change can begin when we start to be honest with ourselves!

One sentence that jumped out at me was on page 14 about halfway down:
"By learning to guard your mind, heart and body against sexual
compromise and understanding God's plan for your sexual and emotional
fulfillment, you can maneuver your way through your teenage years with
grace ... and without regrets."

 

Everyone has regrets about something ~ ask your mom and I'll bet she
could say at least one thing she wishes she would have done
differently when she was a teenager.  My prayer for each of you is
that you can learn what God says about these things now and not have
those same regrets.

I love the verse the chapter ends with .... Proverbs 2:7-11
"He holds victory in store for the upright, He is a shield to those
whose walk is blameless, for He guards the course of the just and
protects the way of His faithful ones.  Then you will understand what
is right and just and fair -- every good path.  For wisdom will enter
your heart and knowlege will be pleasant to your soul.  Discretion
will protect you, and understanding will guard you."

 

Victory ~ God holds the victory.  Girls, that should give us such
encouragement!

Looking forward to all that God is going to teach each of us,
Ms. Becky