CH 20: "Technical" virginity

So what do you think virginity means? 

Does it only mean actually having sexual intercourse?  What about masturbation or oral sex? 

Abstinence is the act or practice of refraining from indulging an appetite or desire, especially for alcoholic drink or sexual intercourse.  OH ~ another thing that has to do with our self-control .... a choice!

Sex starts in our minds long before our bodies are involved.  We can be lusting after someone and thinking inappropriate thoughts without ever touching them or taking our clothes off.  If we are going to take the approach that it's only "sexual" if we are having sex, that would make our impure thoughts okay.  God says that's not His way ~ we are told to keep our minds pure .... we covered that way back in the beginning of the book when we talked about our sexual integrity. 

Many times when we are using the word "technical" we are trying to justify ourselves ~ to make something okay that really isn't .... or to make something not seem so bad.   that wasn't "technically" a lie .... or I didn't "technically" cheat ....
So ~ is we apply that to our virginity, how do we determine if we are "technically" still a virgin?

As Christians, we should always be looking for God's best.  What was His plan for our sexuality?  His plan was that our sexuality be used in marriage.  The book defines a sexually abstinent lifestyle as refraining from any type of genital contact or any other activity which serves to arouse you (or him) sexually.  This can range from your thoughts to the way you act, dress or talk to touching yourself or someone else physically. 

Remember how much God loves us?  He created us just the way we are and has a plan for our lives.  So, without a doubt, He also cares about our sexual lives.  WHY?

1. to keep us in good physical health ~ including the ability to have children

2. to keep us in good mental health ~ thinking clearly and using good judgment

3. to keep us in good emotional health ~ not guilty from past bad choices

4. to keep us in good spiritual health ~ free to enter His presence and draw close to Him

5. to keep us in good relational health ~ when you have a sexual relationship with someone, it is meant to be intimate and very personal ..... if it's not treated special but given away freely to anyone and everyone {which goes against God's way} then bonding with your husband someday may be very difficult

There is no greater joy than to live our lives God's way!

CH 19: Winning the Physical Battle

This chapter starts with Romans 6: 12-13 ..... let's take those verses apart a bit!

Verse 12 says:
Therefore, do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts.

Reign means to rule over like a king reigns over his kingdom.
Mortal body is talking about your flesh and bones ~ what makes up your human body.

Verse 13 says:
And do not present your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead and your members as instruments of rightousness to God.

Present (not present like a Christmas present, but present like you present a speech) is talking about a decision you make ~ a choice to do one thing or another.
Members is refering to your physical body parts.

Does that help?  It's saying make a choice to keep your body under control and present it to God as an instrument of righteousness. 

Much of this book has been about making choices!

So ~ what's the big deal?  Does God really care if you keep yourself pure?  Yes, He does.  Remember He created us male and female and He created marriage and He created sex.  He created it all ~ but He also gave us guidelines on how they should work.  Page 164 and 165 list just a few of the verses explaining how God feels about these things.

Page 165 and 166 give a pretty detailed rundown of how God created our bodies and how it all works together, including a picture on page 167.  {If any of this doesn't make sense, talk to your Mom or me!}  It's important to understand how we are created because it goes along with the rest of the chapter.

A good part of the rest of the chapter spends time talking about just a few of the different sexually transmitted diseases.  Now ~ you can read all that and say oh that will never happen to me.  REALLY?  How can you be so sure?  I bet that's what everyone who already has an STD used to think too!  You also have to consider if it's worth the risk.  Page 169 compares the risk to playing Russian roulette ....

Just as the last chapters have talked about keeping yourself pure for the good of your future spouse, this chapter talks about waiting for the good of your future children.  Is it worth risking them as well?

Children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior, so are teh children of one's youth.  Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them.        Psalm 127:3-5

CH 18: Knowing Where To Stop!

The best plan is always God's plan.  God's plan is His word, which instructs us to love Him with our whole heart, soul and mind.  If we are following God's plan, we aren't going to be getting into this red light area of addictions and affairs.  Page 156 gives some good questions to ask yourself about your relationships.

God can meet all your needs ~ do you believe that?  He created you.  He alone knows exactly what you need!

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. 

 Mathew 5 : 8

CH 17: Proceeding With Caution

“Anna’s Story” taken from I Kissed Dating Goodbye

 by Joshua Harris

It was finally here- Anna’s wedding day, the day she had dreamed about and planned for months. The small, picturesque church was crowded with friends and family. Sunlight poured through the stained-glass windows, and the gentle music of a stringed quartet filled the air. Anna walked down the aisle toward David. Joy surged within her. This was the moment for which she had waited so long. He gently took her hand, and they turned toward the altar.

But as the minister began to lead Anna and David through their vows, the unthinkable happened. A girl stood up in the middle of the congregation, walked quietly to the altar, and took David’s other hand. Another girl approached and stood next to the first, followed by another. Soon, a chain of six girls stood by him as he repeated his vows to Anna.

Anna felt her lip beginning to quiver as tears welled up in her eyes. “Is this some kind of joke?” she whispered to David.  “I’m…I’m sorry, Anna,” he said, staring at the floor.

“Who are these girls, David? What is going on?” she gasped.

“They’re girls from my past,” he answered sadly. “Anna, they don’t mean anything to me now…but I’ve given part of my heart to each of them.”

“I thought your heart was mine,” she said.

“It is, it is,” he pleaded. “Everything that’s left is yours.”

Ladies, are you going to be satisfied with what's left?  Do you want your future husband to have to settle for what's left?  Everytime your emotions get involved and there is an emotional attachment to a guy, that's a part of you taken away from your future husband. 

CH 16: Good To Go!

This chapter starts talking about the traffic light pictured on page 139 and the stages of emotional connection.  They say the first stage of emotional connection is attention, which then moves on to attraction.

I'd like to start this chapters blog post with a word of caution.  As I read through this chapter several times, I couldn't help feeling that the most important part is at the end of the chapter!  Step back to Chapter 12 with me for a moment .....

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment.  Matthew 22: 37 - 38

So ~ according to that verse, our first emotional connection of attention should be directed at who?  God.  Our second stage of emotional connection of attraction should be directed at who?  God.

Did God create us with emotions?  Sure He did.  We have to make a choice what we are going to do with them.  It would be easy at this point to say ~ well, God created me with these emotions so I can just go with them wherever they take me.   The beginning of this chapter would have me believe that I can notice a cute guy {no matter who he is ~ even someone else's husband} and it's okay ~ no different than admiring a fine art painting at the art museum.    Hmmmmm ..... personally I don't think so.  That's a slippery slope because if I'm admiring him enough to know he's cute, what else am I doing .... how far is my mind going to be allowed to go in that admiration ~~ remember ladies, we are supposed to be bouncing our thoughts.  The longer I allow myself to entertain those thoughts, the harder it is to stop. 

Yes, the desire for love, attention, affection and relational connection is part of the human condition (pg 142), but that desire needs to be directed to God first. 

Now, I can hear some of you saying .... Ms. Becky ~ if I don't pay ANY attention to the guys around me, how will I EVER find a husband??  Trust me on this one ~ if God has a husband for you, you won't be able to NOT find him.  If your focus is on God first, you're going to be in tune with His path for your life which puts you and that husband He has for you on an unstoppable collision course.  THAT is a collision you don't want to miss! 

“The Buried Box” taken from Boy Meets Girl

by Joshua Harris

This spot will do, Rich thought sadly.  He peered over his shoulder into the darkness to make sure no one was watching, then raised his shovel and drove it into the earth.

 

Clang!  The sound of steel hitting rock rang out in the stillness of the night.  He dropped to the ground.  He was worried his ex-girlfriend's father might hear him.  What kind of explanation could he give for digging a hole in their front yard at 3 a.m.?  After 2 hours, he wiped a tear from his eye and walked away.

 

Four years before digging this hole, Rich had met Christy at church.  They were fourteen and immature .... well, Rich was.  It wasn't until their senior year in high school that Christy would fall in love with Rich.  Their relationship grew as they daily wrote lettesr to each other, pouring out their hearts.  Over time, their pure love began to turn into a romantic relationship not focused on God.  They came to a point when they realized that their relationship was not headed in the right direction and they needed to return to being friends again.

 

This seemed to work at first, but whenever Christy would open her box of letters she had saved from Rich, she found herself jumping back into a relationship with Rich that she knew wasn't right.  Looking out for Christy, Rich took her box of letters.  he told her that he wanted to make sure they could focus on being friends again.

 

It was that box that Rich secretively buried in her front yard.  He hoped that one day the box would be opened again, but he trusted that wherever God lead them would be best.  What he knew for sure was that God wanted them to take time and begin over as friends.

 

Well, Rich and Christy went away to different colleges.  From time to time they would talk, but their busy schedules kept them apart.  Eventually, they would begin to talk again.  This time, they were friends.  Although they had a deep love for each other, they weren't jumping into a physical, romantic relationship. 

 

After a year of friendship, they felt they were ready to seriously date again.  They spent Christmas of their senior year at Christy's house.  The final gift was an unusual one from Rich to Christy.  As she opened the gift she saw it was a baby tree.  "Why don't you plant it in the front yard?", her father said.  Rich and Christy's family went out into the front yard and Christy began to dig a small hole for her tree.

 

Clank!  Christy hit something while digging.  As she dug further, she noticed the box that once held all her love letters.  With excitement, knowing what was in the box, she opened it quickly.  As she opened the first letter, she realized it wasn't a letter she had ever read before.

 

You see, Rich knew that if those letters were ever dug up again, it would be because they had done their relationship the right way - a way pleasing to God.  Knowing that, before he buried the box, he placed a new letter on the top .... one that read, "Will You Marry Me?"

 

 

CH 15: Winning the Emotional Battle

This chapter starts out making an excellent point!  The stereotype is that those of the male gender are the only ones who have trouble with purity .... unfortunately there isn't any truth in that statement.  Both males & females are in this battle. As the book has so well pointed out, the battle is just different. 

God made us to be emotionally stimulated ~ which means we must closely guard our heart.  Failing to guard our hearts puts our body at much greater risk of falling to temptation.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.  Proverbs 4:23

Wellspring just means source .... the heart is the source of life.  God created us so that our heart is central to all that we are physically, spiritually and emotionally. 

It's easy to say "oh I'd NEVER do ________ physically" .... but how about emotionally becoming attached?  Our hearts & emotions are funny things ~ they can get away from us quickly if we aren't on guard.

Spend some time studying the traffic light graphic on page 139 and the different stages of emotional connection!