CH 8: Breaking the Cycle of Abuse

I want to start off talking about this chapter by saying that I know this is going to be a difficult chapter for a few of you.  As I've read over this chapter several times and prayed about what to type, I've been praying for you.  My prayer is that God would help you see His truth and bring His healing touch to your heart and life.

Remember you are not alone in this battle!

The statistics on page 71 made me so sad.  Let it also serve as a reminder that there are many hurting young women out there.  Even if you've never been affected by abuse personally, take some time to read this chapter. You never know who God may bring across your path that may be hurting and need encouragement.

It's important to note that abuse comes in many forms ~ physical, verbal and sexual .... and that it can come from a variety of relationships ~ strangers, boyfriends, employers, coworkers, friends and family.  The stories that are related in this chapter are all slightly different, but I think it's important to note that each of these girls spiraled down in their self-esteem and behavior.

Seven Things You Need To Know About Abuse

(pg 74-76)

 

* Tell Someone .... and if the person you tell doesn't believe you, tell someone else.  This is a huge first step in starting the healing process.

* Don't tolerate someone's abuse ~ verbal, physical or sexual.  This goes back to the FACT (a.k.a. TRUTH OF GOD'S WORD) that God created you.

* Don't believe that you did something to deserve the abuse.  No one deserves to be abused.  

* It's not okay to be angry at everyone or try to punish others for what happened.

* Rape and promiscuity are different things.  Rape or sexual abuse are not something you willing did.  Promiscuity is when you choose to engage in sexual behavior.

* Set a goal to forgive your abuser. Trust me, I know this isn't easy.  When you are hanging on to anger, hurt & resentment toward someone, that turns to bitterness ~ which eats you up inside.  That bitterness isn't hurting the other person, it's hurting you and your ability to move on and allow God's healing hand to come.  Forgiveness isn't about the abuser apologizing ~ it's about you making a choice to forgive.  This is beyond our human ability and only through God ~ giving all that hurt and anger to Him.

*  While you may never forget what happened, God can show you how to move beyond it.  There may come a time in the future where you can share your story and give someone else who is hurting hope and encouragement. 

I love the way the chapter ends .... God has great things in store for you as you seek to discover the true purpose for which you were created ~ a divine purpose, indeed!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

 plans to give you a hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11



CH 7: Doing A Reality Check

This chapter brings up a very big topic for this day and age.  The internet wasn't around when I was a teen, so this wasn't something that I had to battle then ~ but it could be huge for you. 

A read through the chapter gives some very explicit examples of what can happen ..... you may say "that would never happen to me" ~ but I bet you could ask any of the girls mentioned and they'd have said the same thing.  You see when our hearts and emotions get involved, we get in over our heads fast ~ it becomes hard to think straight and recognize right and wrong. 

This is where accountability becomes important ~ is there stuff on your computer you wouldn't want your parents to see?  Do you have an email account or instant messenger name that no one else knows about?  Would you be embarrased if your family and friends saw pictures you posted online of yourself or were privy to conversations you were having?

The internet is a place where you can make a "new" real .... a place where you can make up a different name and be someone else ~ perhaps someone you think is more exciting or someone you think you should look like.   This is where you have to stop and realize that it's not real.  Chances are that person you are talking to could be making up a name and pretending to be someone else too.  So what would you have to base any kind of REAL relationship off of?  You're fake and he's fake.

Make sure you take some time to look over the chart on page 63!

We've just been talking about the fact that God made you who you are ~ you don't have to pretend anything.  Even if you do, remember He still knows the truth about you!  He knew you before you were born.

CH 6: Making Friends With The Mirror

This chapter ends with Psalm 139:13-16, but I'm going to put it first ....

For you created my inmost being;

You knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be. 

Do you believe this?  Do you truly believe that God created you just as you are?  Do you believe that He knew you before you were even in your mothers' womb? 

If you answered yes to these questions, it should reflect in your attitude when you look in the mirror.  Yes, we may all say well I wish this or I wish that about ourselves.  But as a believer, we should be content deep down that God created us just as we are.

Awhile back we talked about different myths and I think one we could add to their list is the myth that you have to look like Barbie to be important or have a man love you.  My answer to that myth is above ~ God created me, so I am important to Him .... and He has a plan for my life, so if I'm to be married, He'll make sure that man and I cross paths in His timing.

Okay ~ back to the mirror.  This chapter brings out an important point that it's not just about NOT liking ourselves, but the opposite is liking ourselves too much {called vanity}.  Consider this:

Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting,

but a woman who fears {respects and serves} the Lord is to be praised.

Proverbs 31:30

Page 57 makes some good points about taking care of ourselves.  It's not vain to eat healthy and exercise .... keep your hair brushed .... wash your face .... smell clean .... unless that becomes your complete focus ~ then you are doing it for yourself and not God.  Our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit ~ God created us and we are to take care of it by keeping it healthy. 

Take some time to consider the bottom of page 59 .... female Bible characters, historical figures or special ladies in your own life who impress you the most.  Why are they special?  What did they contribute to society or your life? Why do you admire them ~ because of how they look or the beauty of their actions / investment in other's lives?  {feel free to comment if you'd like to share!}

NOW ~ how about YOU?  What do you want to be remembered for ... your appearance or your passion for God .... to serve Him and others?   My challenge to you is to have a beauty that radiates from the inside!

CH 5: Fueling Your Own Sexual Fire

Before I jump into Chapter 5 and it's discussion of masturbation, let's reflect for a minute back to Chapter 3 that talked about Sexual Integrity.

I think it's important to get a good picture in your head of that table ~ the four legs representing your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well being when the table is rightly balanced.  Remember sexual integrity wasn't about doing whatever you could get away with ~ it was about loving God with all your heart, soul & mind.  That puts our focus not on ourselves and what we can do to please ourselves, but instead on what is pleasing and honoring to God.

We covered the fact (way back in Ch 1) that God created us as sexual beings.  Nothing wrong with that.  With that comes a sexual desire.  Nothing wrong with that.  God intended for that sexual desire to be between a husband and a wife.  The trouble comes when we choose to let that sexual desire go outside of marriage.  This chapter addresses this in regards to masturbation {definition on page 9}.   Unfortunately, since this is a God given desire, when it's released in the wrong way, it's still released ~ meaning it is hard to stop once started.  The real testimonies on page 44 relate this well. Page 48 relates how it can also carry into marriage in a very negative way by creating false expectations.  When we take this into our own hands, we are rejecting God's plan and His blessing.

So is all lost if you've taken a step down this slippery slope??

No ~ we serve an awesome mighty God who is waiting there to help you back up ~ give Him those sexual desires .... ask Him to help you focus on Him and not yourself ... ask Him to put those sexual desires back to sleep until they can be fully awakened within marriage.